March Resolution Update!

1.  Lose ONE pound per week.  Well... We are currently living in the 12th week of 2013, so I should have *technically* lost 12 pounds by now.  I started out at 233 (I can't find evidence of a heavier weight in previous posts, so sorry if this is inaccurate.), which means that if I followed through with resolution #1, I would weigh 221.  Is that number real?  That seems high for some reason.  Anyway, without suspense, view the pic below to see my progress.

Yep, not exactly what you would call "following through".  Looking back on the choices I've made the first three months, I really should have stuck to my guns and resisted temptation.  I need a new plan to help me actually follow through while there's still time to catch up!  I guess I'll write something about that later.  Sad face!

Current IOU amount: 14 lbs.

2.  Make a better effort to keep in touch with family/friends.   This one is personally hard to gauge.  Although I've been trying, I know that I'm not exactly doing everything that I could to make sure this is happening, so I guess it needs more work!  I have proactively purchased a plethora of birthday cards and hope to send them early/on time, instead of my norm of sending them about a week after the actual birthday.

3.  Plan a road trip to break in my new car.    DONE!!!  I wish it would have been a camping trip or a pilgrimage to the Grand Canyon, but hey- ain't nobody got time for that!


4.  Try something new at least ONCE a month (a.k.a. twelve new experiences).  Got this one in the bag, folks!  I've been trying new things like there's no tomorrow- in fact, I've already decided my 'something new' for April and I'll write about it tomorrow.  

I'd actually like to tie #1 into #4 by trying new workouts and buying more Groupons (there's always something fitness related!), but I don't always want to do some of the stuff by myself.  When I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to purchase a Groupon for some random Cross-Fit class, he just muttered "...or we could just go to the gym."  We aren't exactly regulars, but our gym SUCKS, so I don't really see what's wrong with supplementing it with some fun stuff.  No drop in classes, no stair steppers or high-tech equipment, no showers, and no cleaning materials (yeah, it's gross).

5.  Write for fun at least once a week.  Again, another fairly successful resolution.  When I'm not writing on my blog, I'm writing in my personal journal.  There was a short time between February and mid-March that I wasn't really writing, though.  No big deal!

    

On Growing Older...

It's amazing how once you get older, the reality of losing the people you love really sets in.  Although I'm grateful for the experience I've had away from home, I often feel guilty for missing out on the lives of people I love in Ohio.

My friend Larry once told me that the people who love you most understand why you aren't there if you have a purpose.  It is my fault though for not keeping in touch a lot throughout the years and the only way to repair that is by trying to be present now, even if it is only through Skype or phone calls/texting.  I'm sorry because I really care about so many people, even if I don't make it known each day.

Press 'Play'

 

I love Ra Ra Riot & this is probably my favorite song behind Oh La.  My boyfriend & I saw them in Sac (last year?) and it was one of the best concerts we've seen live.

I love this song and sometimes after not hearing it for a while, it really makes me fall back in love with Alive in Wild Paint.  They're just so mellow and I dig mellow.

 A forgotten favorite!

 

 

The XX is AMAZING live.  Treasure Island 2012- I was sad we left a little early because I had an interview the next morning & we needed to beat the shuttle rush.

Not to get mushy or anything, but I've loved this song ever since my boyfriend put it on a playlist he made for me a little while back.

This song reminds me of how irrelevant we can be sometimes (as depressing as that sounds).  It almost makes me sad because there are so many people that I love and wish I could be apart of all of their memories!  It also reminds me of people who are self-absorbed/naive... grr.

This song reminds me of how badly I want to move back home, but ironically keep moving to bigger cities. 

Let it go and LIVE!

Some people in life are so awesome and this song always makes me smile.

TO BE CONTINUED!!!!

Who's that in the mirror?

To be honest, I forget that I'm "fat" until I go clothes shopping.  Sometimes I see myself in the mirror and say, "what the heck?!" which I have to admit is making me chuckle a little right now.  I guess it's weird that I know that I'm overweight, but I can just forget.  The things normal people forget include grocery lists, taking the trash out... But me?  I forget my size. 

Sometimes I catch myself holding hangers just right so that I cover up the XL label (or sometimes XXL), especially when thin chicks are about to walk by.  I'm not sure why, but I guess it's my subconscious embarrassment taking over?  Whatever.  I have been known to mutter an expletive upon seeing a girl at the gym who is naturally thin or already fit!

Although I feel beautiful inside and out a lot of the time, I frequently think of the phrase "you can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig," especially now that I've been wearing lipstick more often!  Does that mean that even though I have a decent personality/face, I'm still just fat?  Is that what defines me to some people walking around in the world today?  I'd be lying if I said I don't care, but it would also be a lie to say that I am staying up nights thinking about other people's perception of me.

All pig talk aside, I wanna get back on my health kick- March is almost over!  My I.O.U. is getting bigger by the minute and I want to see some serious progress by June 1st.  200 pounds by June 1st or BUST, baby!!!

Thoughts on Being a Better Friend

As you know, one of my resolutions this year is to become a better family member/friend.  I can't really say how I'm doing on that front, I guess this resolution has been somewhat on the back-burner the first few months.  What I can say is that I've been thinking A LOT about the friendships I have and who I am as a person and what is healthy for me in my relationships.

I'll start off what I'm trying to say by explaining that my boyfriend has incredibly good people spidey-sense.  Here is an example of what happens when we meet people together:

The day we meet someone new

BF: They suck, I don't like them.

Me: No way!  They're so nice/cool/positive-sounding-adjective

Some time in the near future

Me: You're right, they do suck.

He's not always right, but I'd say that 85% of the time, he's spot on or close.  Anyway, this matters because he's been hesitant about a friendship I've recently rekindled and has warned me about being too hasty or becoming too close.  I've kept thinking, "maybe things are different this time, maybe he's wrong about my friend" but given a recent experience, I've realized that yet again, he's right.

I have been putting a lot of energy into this friendship and have not seen that energy reciprocated until just recently when I had something this person wanted.  I would text them, they would ignore me and say "oh sorry, I never got your text because my phone is broken" and would typically blame their non-response on their phone (even after purchasing a new one) when they were ready to text me back.  At first, I understood- maybe this person really wasn't interested in being friends and hey, it's not a big deal because that's their choice.  But then, I really became a little frustrated and thought about my resolution- it's selfish for people to only communicate on their terms without considering others.

I decided to just keep trying because I wanted to be a good friend, or, at least a friendly face.  Eventually, this person sorta came around and we started spending some time together.  My boyfriend at this point is still urging me to slowly become less involved, but I'm too stubborn to listen.  ***Disclaimer: I am in no way attempting to be passive aggressive by writing this post, I'm not holding any grudges or trying to call someone on the carpet here!***  Given recent events, I had the opportunity to compare this friendship with another and realized something HUGE.

My relationship with this person mentioned throughout this post was hard, like, REALLY hard.  I felt as if I was always walking on eggshells and trying to connect with them while keeping them happy.  I could tell that trouble was a-brewin' with this person and continuously asked, "are you doing okay?" but received no verbal signs of trouble (although body language is a different story).  I was tired of exerting so much energy and I am not a mind reader- this person is the type to say that they're fine with whatever you want to do or that they're fine when actually, they mean the opposite and you get an ear full about it later (and I did).  Knowing that, you would think I'd be smart enough to do something, but I don't operate well with people who cannot speak up for themselves.

This other relationship I compared it to was essentially effortless.  This led me to really think about if the one in question was really worth it to either of us.  I realized we don't have much in common and while that's not a bad thing, it just isn't working for me in this stage of my life.  I'm not interested in getting wasted, I'm focused on being a young professional, and I am a go getter who doesn't just wait for things to happen.  I truly believe in the phrase "to each their own" because I recognize that not everyone has to have the same direction or hopes and dreams, but the people who have nothing but excuses for their lives and no apparent ambition bother me!

In order to be a better friend, I need to invest my time into people who really reciprocate the time and appreciation I dedicate towards them.  If it feels like I'm forcing it, it's not working and I need to respectfully move on.  I need to cut toxic ties and I guess I also need to listen to my boyfriend more.

Important Update!!!

I have officially completed resolution # 3 (road trip!).  I also have some more big news to share... I GOT A JOB IN LAS VEGAS!!!  More deets on that subject in another post, but until then, enjoy some photos from my recent trip.

Visiting for the weekend with Flat Joey!

A taxi cab driver protest- it was pretty cool!

I love this part of the strip at night!

My favorite thing in Las Vegas, for sure!

On the other side of the Hoover Dam.

One of the most impressive things I've seen in a long time!

Back for more...

So despite being tremendously sore today, I drove my booty back to the yoga studio.  This time I went to the "Yoga 101" class to refine my abilities and refresh my memory.  Sad thing is, I still broke a sweat and my glasses got all foggy.  I learned about why Vinyasa was so hard for me yesterday; it's a "flow" rather than an instructional session, I guess. 

I think I'm going to try Bikram next!  I actually asked the instructor about it tonight (the same guy from yesterday's class) and he basically said, "go for it!" and told me that you hold poses longer and build stamina.  LET'S DO IT!!!

Also, fyi, I'm wheatless/gluten free/starch free... I'm following the wheat belly diet and I had my first fully successful day yesterday and continued to succeed today.  I'm hoping to seriously lose some significant weight in the coming weeks!

Something New for March: Yoga!

I have totally slacked on resolution #1 in the last month, so I should issue some sort of "IOU" in the form of pounds.  I actually gained weight, but after realizing yesterday night that I weigh more than ever before in my life, I remembered my inspiration.  I have also recently found new inspiration- two weddings in June, plus a trip back home to visit family.  It's time to get my butt back into gear!

To show my renewed dedication, I woke up this morning and got dressed for the gym.  I printed the Groupon I bought in late January and drove myself to the studio after checking the schedule.  Once I arrived, although shy and a little embarrassed, I explained that I was "new" and they showed me around the studio.  I have never done Bikram, so I asked for Vinyasa thinking it would be a piece of cake- HA!

About five years and 80 pounds ago, I did yoga two to three times a week at my gym.  They were the kind of classes that played that crazy spiritual music that usually puts you to sleep at the end... Wind chimes, flutes, etc.  Eventually, I started attending the "advanced" classes and considered myself to be pretty good.  I found it to be challenging, yet relaxing.  Today I walked into the studio expecting this same skill level...  Sigh. 

Unfortunately although I attempted the full version of every pose, I was constantly looking around with a bewildered look on my face while sweating profusely.  I was not a thing of beauty, grace, tranquility, or whatever.  I was an inflexible, sloppy mess!  I had never sweat so much during yoga, but it was a 90 minute session and at the end, the instructor apologized for the heat because it was over 90 degrees in the room. 

I was reminded of my least favorite things about yoga (the weird breathing, yoga noises [saying cheesy phrases or chanting], and the "meditation" or rest at the end of the session) and also my most favorite (the feeling of "I DID IT!" or accomplishment).  Although it was super hard, I'm really excited to go back again tomorrow, this time with a towel!  I am also vowing to try Bikram before my Groupon's deal runs out!